Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
