I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
