how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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