...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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