Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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