im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
