you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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