Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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