when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
