after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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