Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
