So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got inside last night via doggy door
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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