I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
