i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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