census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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