***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
