I love having hate sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
