I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
