May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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