I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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