I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
