She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
