Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.