Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen