im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen