ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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