I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad