I accidentally burped into my bong.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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