There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
