New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
