Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
