Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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