my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your penis caused this!
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