Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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