Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
