her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Im part way to drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
