Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
