Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
