She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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