Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
