just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
