I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
