Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
