Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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