i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
