Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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