Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
