I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
BRING THE BAGELS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
