omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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