They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
