This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
