sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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