I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
