She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
