i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
