So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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