Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
