if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
