Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
