Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
