i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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