No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
