Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
