grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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