You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
