hell yes lets make some ravioli
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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