Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
