there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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