You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
