I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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