i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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