So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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