Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
