I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
