I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
