i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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