This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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