I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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