Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
